Talking Tough Topics In the News
There have been many tragic events that have impacted our world and local Austin community as of late. As I write this, our community has just experienced the loss of several individuals through gun violence. Some days are just hard and our hearts feel exceptionally heavy.
More and more I have caregivers ask if they should be discussing tough topics in the news with their child -- and if so, how? The most common concern I hear is the worry that discussing hard things may increase their child’s sense of fear and anxiety. These concerns are valid. It can feel overwhelming and traumatic even as an adult to witness events that shake our foundation of felt safety.
I cannot emphasize enough that you know your child best. Deciding what to share and how to share is a personal decision that may require considering your child’s temperament, feelings, fears, and life experiences. However, I would like to offer some insight into the benefits and approaches of having tough conversations. The focus of this blog will pertain to the news but I hope you take this knowledge with you and apply it to other difficult topics.
As a caveat, I strongly encourage caregivers to have open conversations with their children about topics their child is already aware of. While you can do your best to control what your child engages in at home, you cannot control what gets overhead, talked about at school, and discussed with peers. Your child may have misinformation about the event that can increase feelings of fear and dread. You can stick to conversations about topics you’ve witnessed with them and/or overheard them mention. It may also be helpful to check in with other adults in your child’s support system, such as their teacher, counselor, or a friend’s parent, to gauge the discussions they've had.
Benefits of Having Tough Conversations with Your Child
Having hard conversations with your child is an opportunity for deeper connection! When you discuss vulnerable topics such tough news you have an active role in creating an environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and concerns. It encourages open communication and normalizes having difficult talks. You are communicating that your child can approach you with any issue without fear of judgement. Empathetically listening to your child helps them feel seen, heard, and understood. Active listening can look like facing your child, engaging in eye contact, reflecting feelings, and using non-verbal cues such as headnodding (check out our blog to become an expert on active listening). Engaging in discussions about impactful news, societal issues, and values allows your child an opportunity to develop a sense of empowerment. Encouraging them to share their opinions and ideas fosters feelings of belonging to a community. The skills that come out of having difficult conversations can improve caregiver-child relationships, increase self-confidence, and extend into meaningful interactions with others.
Considerations when Having a Hard Conversation
The ultimate goal is to hold your discussion with honesty, accurate information, and developmentally-appropriate language.
Before you begin, I encourage you to take a few minutes to research your topic and ensure you are relaying up-to-date information. While we want this to be a more natural flowing conversation, it is helpful to plan what you’re going to discuss. This can look like jotting down notes, practicing aloud, or bouncing ideas off a partner/friend. The information shared will look different depending on your child and their developmental stage (here’s a great guide from the Mentoring Partnership website on language for all ages).
It’s helpful to pick a time of day when you and your child will be capable of having a meaningful conversation and allot time to answer questions or talk through feelings. When you can regulate, your child can co-regulate with you. Having a tough conversation at the end of the workday when you’re burnt out or after a stressful meeting may impact the nature of the conversation. This conversation can be done in a comfortable space such as in the living room, on a walk, or at the dinner table. You can use an aid to help prompt this conversation such as a book or a video (check our bibliotherapy guide).
When you are ready to begin the conversations, first ask your child what they know about the topic and what they’ve heard. You can better understand what they may/may not know, any assumptions made, how they’re processing the information, what they are feeling, and note any misinformation. As you share about the tough topic, check in with your child. It’s okay to respond with an “I don’t know”, “I’m unsure, let me get back to you”, or “I’m feeling frightened too!”
You may not have the answer to everything your child asks and share in their feeling. You can reassure your child that you are doing everything in your control to keep them safe. You can highlight other safety measures put in place such as school drills, emergency family plans, or how you’ve dealt with a similar issue in the past. As you near the end of your conversation assure them that if they have additional thoughts or questions, they can come to you anytime.
Lastly, you have an opportunity to empower your child! While a tragic event occurring isn’t in our control, helping contribute to change can be. Our community is resilient and compassionate. You and your child can choose to write cards, volunteer, donate, march, or engage in small acts of kindness.
Having difficult conversations with your child is not only about addressing specific topics; it's an investment in building a foundation of trust, open communication, and empathy. You are modeling vulnerability, effective communication, validation of feelings, and becoming an agent of change. Making time for these discussions now prepares your child for meaningful and effective communication in the future. Your child will develop the skills to handle challenging conversations in their own relationships and build resilience when facing life's challenges.
Blogs to aid you with your tough talks
The Science Behind Regulating a Child
Regulating Nervous Systems in your Family
Spreading Kindness & Developing Empathy through Volunteering with Your Children
What’s with All These Feeling Reflections?
Interested in booking a session with Rebekah?
WRITTEN BY REBEKAH HESS, LPC, (SHE/HER/HERS)
Rebekah is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC). Rebekah received her Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from The University of Louisiana at Lafayette (CACREP Accredited Program) and a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from Louisiana State University. Rebekah is currently working towards her Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™) credential. She has experience working with children, teens, and young adults in an inpatient hospital setting as well as in a community clinic. Her work includes providing individual, family, and group therapy services to clients with diverse needs.
