The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics: How it can help you and your child
Have you ever tried to talk to your child while they are having a full on melt-down and attempt to reason with them to calm down? Yes? We’ve all been there. Not much luck, huh?
For the most part reasoning with your child while they are in melt-down mode often doesn’t end up working out well for you or your child. Someone ends up feeling hurt and the topic shifts from a learning experience to a forum on you and your child’s relationship. So what is the solution to calming your child down when they are feeling those big emotions?
This is where the Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics comes into play, developed by psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry, who is an internationally recognized authority on children who have experienced trauma. This model of brain development can help you better understand the way your child’s brain works, and in turn, help you help them when they are experiencing big emotions.
This works for children from every walk of life, those who have experienced trauma, as well as kids that come from a safe and loving home who may struggle with mental health or behavioral challenges.
Perry describes the brain as developing from “the bottom up and inside out”. We have four major layers of the brain, and it develops from the bottom, which houses our basic survival skills, to the top, where our cortex lives, which is where all of our complex thinking comes from.
To help our children develop their brains fully we need to integrate the whole brain and help them exercise it in different ways.
In therapy, we do that by incorporating what Perry has described as “The 6 R’s”:
Relational: Having a strong healthy relationship with your child where there is trust. Trust can help a child understand that you are there with them and that everything will be okay, so they can get back to playing and having fun!
Relevant: Making sure that we are using methods that are developmentally appropriate to your child (which plays into making sure we are helping the child calm down before we reason with them). We don’t want to ask children to do tasks that they aren’t quite ready for, not to say that we can’t guide them and teach them new things.
Repetitive: Letting the brain experience the same situation/response many, many times to help them develop a healthy pattern of expectation. Such as having household routines that can be followed and are easily predictable for kids.
Rewarding: Fun activities help lower the temperature of the brain stem and level out stress hormones, which helps children relax and find the peace that they crave (even if this play seems messy or wild to you!).
Rhythmic: The brain is soothed by strong, simple rhythmic activities. Think about tossing a ball back and forth, which helps children establish tempo and improves relationships. (This is an activity I love to do with new clients to help build a relationship.)
Respectful: Above all else, respect your child and their feelings no matter how silly they may seem. Showing your child respect early on helps establish mutual respect and trust for later years.
So what does this mean for caregiving? By helping our child regulate by using the 6 R’s we can help them move from a dysregulated state to a place where they are calm and able to access their “upstairs” brain. So rather than talking to your child when they are upset, try reflecting their feelings and redirecting them to a calming activity such as taking a walk, or something more patterned and consistent that will eventually allow them to be able to hear us when we start processing with them logically.
At Ensemble, we can help you put together a Cool Down Kit with different items to help your child regulate. These items can help soothe your child before you feel a stressful situation arising or after the situation has abated. Just ask your therapist, and they can help you with the process.
By using the 6 R’s we can help our children expand their “Window of Tolerance”. The concept of “window of tolerance” originated from Dr. Dan Seigal. He describes it as the ideal zone of arousal where we are most likely to function effectively, and in children where they are able to learn, play, and feel safe. Think about if you have gotten too little sleep, forgot your coffee at home, and had a serious deadline ahead of you. It sounds stressful, but on most days we can handle those setbacks. Now, think about if your child hasn’t gotten enough sleep, their lucky pair of socks are dirty, and they have a test?? High chance of an emotional breakdown! We want to help regulate our children so they are more likely to be able to handle those everyday challenges.
As with anything, helping your child calm down and expand their window of tolerance takes a lot of practice. The brain rewires itself when it is exposed to something repeatedly, so don’t despair if you are working hard to help your child regulate themselves, and it doesn’t seem to be “working”! Use the 6 R’s, and as always you can consult with your therapist if you need help with ideas on how to implement them with your child!