Support for Caregivers with a Child in Crisis
For caregivers with children experiencing suicidal ideation, non-suicidal self-injury, or any other mental health crisis, it can often feel like your world has been turned upside down.
Every child is different, so, therefore, every crisis will be different. My hope is this blog will provide some helpful feedback to help caregivers keep putting one foot in front of the other in the event their child experiences a mental health crisis.
What is a crisis?
As a full-time School Social Worker, crises and crisis intervention is something that I talk about, prepare for, and do all the time. But I am frequently asked, “What actually constitutes a crisis?”
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) defines a mental health crisis as, “any situation in which a person’s behavior puts them at risk of hurting themselves or others and/or prevents them from being able to care for themselves or function effectively.” The most important word in this definition is “risk.” Just because someone is currently experiencing a mental health crisis at a specific moment does not mean that they will experience this challenge for the rest of their life. This is an important notion for caregivers to hold onto.
Our children and adolescents who are navigating mental health crises have often lost all sense of hope, so it’s important as we support them that we hear their struggles, validate their pain, and hold onto hope as this particular mental health crisis can be temporary when we have the right support moving forward.
How do I know my child is in crisis?
Research has found that there are several common warning signs that a child or adolescent may be experiencing a mental health challenge. You can read more about these warning signs on NAMI’s website here.
It’s very common, especially with tweens and teens, that the first person your child may feel comfortable opening up to may be a friend or adult outside of your home. Please know that it is very common for many caregivers to learn about their child’s mental health crisis from someone else, and this does not necessarily reflect negatively on your caregiving ability and/or relationship with your child. I’ve met many young people experiencing mental health crises who have beautiful and close relationships with their caregivers. Frequently, when I ask, “Have you talked to your caregivers about what you’re going through?” They respond with statements such as, “No, I don’t want them to worry…” or “No, I don’t want them to think this is their fault…”
One of the hardest parts of childhood and adolescence is we build these stories in our head that are often gross misunderstandings about our other people’s feelings or reactions. It can be a powerful starting point for your child’s healing when his or her crises are honestly revealed and we, as caregivers, are able to lovingly show or say, “I am with you.”
What comes next?
As previously mentioned, it’s very normal for a youth’s mental health crisis to be revealed to caregivers through a third party. If your child discloses or presents to be in a mental health crisis at school, you should be contacted by a school social worker or school counselor. Every school or district should have its own crisis intervention protocol that should include a meeting with you in person, providing some details and/or context for your child’s crisis, sharing resources, and presenting a directive to make sure your child receives immediate mental health support.
Receiving this information can be incredibly emotional and overwhelming for many caregivers. This is typically a moment that caregivers pray they never find themselves in. Remember to breathe. Take it slowly. Ask the social worker or counselor questions.
Some children may choose to be an active participant in your meeting with school personnel. Some may choose to be silent and withdrawn. Some may request to not even be present for your meeting. However your child reacts, it is important to really listen to your child when they are sharing with you. Ask them empathetic questions while being mindful that this is incredibly difficult for them as well. If your child isn’t able to give you more details or answers to the questions you are seeking, avoid pressing or probing. This is a difficult situation for your child, and we want to avoid making him or her feel like they are in trouble, are being interrogated, or have done anything wrong. This same information can be applied as well if you are receiving this information from your child’s therapist, doctor, or other mental health professional.
One of the most important parts of supporting your child through their mental health crisis is safety planning.
This can take a variety of shapes and forms but essentially a safety plan includes the following:
Identifying your child’s triggers and/or warnings signs when they’re experiencing a crisis
Detailing coping skills or things your child can do to help them in a crisis
Naming people or resources your child can turn to when they need additional support
The information included in your child’s safety plan should be clear, realistic, and effective. Safety plans will typically be created with your child and the school social worker or counselor. If that does not happen, the National Suicide Helpline has this free template you can use to create own with your child. Your child should know what their safety plan is and have some copy or written version easily accessible at all times.
If your child has a cell phone, I strongly encourage caregivers to have your child add the National Suicide Helpline (1-800-273-8255) as well as their local mental health crisis number as contacts in their phone. You should also make sure that you familiarize yourself with your child’s safety plan and have a copy for yourself easily accessible.
Another important part of safety planning is means restriction. Evidence shows that restricting a young person’s means to hurt themselves is incredibly effective in intervening appropriately in a crisis. This can look like moving knives, razors, or other sharp objects to a more covert and hard-to-find location in your home. If you have any medication that could be lethal, make sure to move said medicine to a place where it can be hidden from your child and locked if at all possible.
Lastly, ensure that if there are any firearms or other weapons in your home that they are stored in a locked and secure location. Change the combinations to gun safes or remove firearms and/or weapons from your home completely if possible.
Make sure to care for yourself
It is easy to neglect or stop prioritizing ourselves when supporting a loved one experiencing a mental health crisis. Mental health crises can be taxing, overwhelming, and scary for everyone involved, so it’s important to do what you can to make sure you are taking care of yourself.
Practice self-compassion. We aren’t given caregiving handbooks, so there is no way to know how to navigate a crisis situation until you are in it. It’s hard! Allow yourself to cry when you need to, take deep breaths, and speak kindly to yourself throughout the entire process. Remember, your child needs you to be as healthy as possible in order for them to become the healthiest versions of themselves.
I hope this blog helps you feel more prepared to navigate a mental health crisis. Below are some additional resources for you and your child to have all the support you all need at this time.
Mental Health Crisis Resources:
Integral Care’s Mobile Crisis Outreach Team, available 24/7 to provide immediate mental health support to anyone in crisis in Travis County. (512) 472 – 4357
National Suicide Helpline (1-800-273-8255)
References: