Making Time to Play: Connecting with Your Child During Covid and Beyond
As caregivers during a pandemic, we have been tasked with many new roles. We have been teachers, therapists, bakers, gardeners, tech support, and emotional regulators — and that was all before noon.
This list doesn’t include what our “typical” role looked like before the pandemic all the while trying to make the safest decision for our kids that balances their social and emotional well-being. As we finally approach the end of the year, we may have begun establishing a rhythm, getting used to the “new normal” and finding things a little bit more familiar. And yet, the world around us continues to change, and we are constantly having to adapt along the way. Many of us are feeling exhausted, burnt out, and ready for a break. The skills and routines that were once more easily accessible for us have since been much harder to implement.
CPRT Rule of Thumb: “You can’t give away that which you don’t possess.”
During a time when we ourselves may be feeling overwhelmed and drained, it's important to find time to support ourselves so we can better support our children and those around us. At Ensemble Therapy, we have many in-person or telehealth options and choices to support your child during this time. But what if you have a younger child not suited for telehealth or in-person, are a high-risk family, or looking to gain tools as a caregiver?
Child Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) may be a good fit for you. CPRT is a 10-session parent training program that works to support parents and caregivers through the use of weekly special playtimes and focuses on what’s most important: the relationship between the caregiver and child. While CPRT is commonly conducted in face-to-face groups, the format makes it easily transferable to telehealth, making it a great fit during a time of social distancing and isolation.
CPRT Rule of Thumb: “Focus on the donut, not the hole!”
So often, when there is a problem, the automatic thought is, “How do we fix it?” We focus on what is missing, like the hole of a donut. But what if we flipped it and decided to focus on what is there, like the donut itself, the good stuff? CPRT is strength-focused rather than problem-focused. It focuses on your relationship with your child, your strengths, and your child’s strengths. We have enough worries to focus on these days, let’s bring to light all we and our children have to offer...the good stuff!
CPRT Rule of Thumb: “Be a thermostat, not a thermometer!”
Although right now we may be experiencing feelings of isolation and distance, the truth is we’re living through a remarkably universal experience because in many ways the whole world is grieving, adapting, and navigating this time too. Both caregivers and children are grieving what their year was supposed to look like, the routines they once had and the connections that now seem so far. And yet amongst the grief, caregivers are having to balance the many hats they are wearing while all remaining sane. During a time when our stress may be higher than average, we may not be able to respond how we once had...once again, a truly universal experience as I think we’ve all yelled or cried a bit more this year.
Through CPRT, parents and caregivers learn to respond rather than react. It goes back to the saying of “put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.” If as caregivers we become dysregulated and react, how can we expect our children to calmly respond when we ourselves have modeled the opposite? Through the use of special playtime, the emphasis switches from your child’s problem to your child. This key switch in return affects your child’s behavior because both how they think and their behavior are directly related to how they view themselves. And you, as caregivers, will learn how to understand and respond to their children more accurately resulting in both caregiver and child gaining a sense of control in a time where their world may feel out of control.
CPRT Rule of Thumb: “Grant in fantasy what you can’t grant in reality.”
One of the most powerful aspects of play is that there are no limits. In a time in which things are constantly changing, and we have to say “no” to so many things like playing with friends or seeing their grandparents, play allows for a child to not only experience those in fantasy but also process how they’ve made sense and felt about their experiences. Although granting in fantasy does not change how things are, it shows them you hear and understand their experience and desires. During your weekly special playtime, your child will be able to leave the chaos of the world behind and for a moment revisit feelings of connection, imagine their world as it once was, and explore and dream of their deepest desires.
CPRT Rule of Thumb: “I am here—I hear you—I understand—I care—I delight in you!”
Caregivers have always been a valuable and important aspect of a child’s therapy. As therapists, we are afforded 45 minutes of precious time in which we are able to spend and connect with your child, going into their inner world. And while that 45 minutes is such a valuable time that can have a powerful impact, we are aware that children spend far more time at home, especially now. During the once a week, 30-minute, Special Playtime, caregivers learn to become the therapeutic agent with the supervision of their therapist. The caregiver is fully present with their child, away from others, the distractions of the outside world, and other technology. It’s a place in which the child can just be and play freely. Through CPRT and special playtimes, caregivers will build a different relationship with their child where their child will feel important, heard, and accepted, just as they are. When the child feels their caregiver communicating, “I am here, I hear you, I understand, I care, and I delight in you,” they no longer have the need to communicate their needs through tantrums, yelling, fighting with siblings, or battling with you.
The power of CPRT goes beyond the child and can significantly impact the entire family system. One caregiver shared their experience and how CPRT supported their family during this time of social isolation and distancing while also meeting them where they were at:
“It's no surprise knowing my kid that COVID and social isolation/distancing had a huge effect on his anxiety. Heck, it had an effect on all of us in the family. CPRT didn't only give my child the space he needed to work on and voice what he was going through, but it has given me the skills that I desperately needed to navigate my own anxieties while caregiving a kid feeling their own big feelings. At the beginning of the shutdown, it felt like my child was out of control, throwing fits, battling us at every move. We would have long drawn out arguments over wearing shoes or putting away the tablet. The greatest little nugget of advice that I carry with me daily now is, "You can't teach a drowning child to swim." This has given me enough separation from the fit that I can actually help my child now to regulate their emotions. We are no longer constantly stuck in the losing battle of the caregiver yelling about consequences and whatever else while a fit is going on. Because, let's face it, it doesn't work in the moment. The more I get riled up, the more he does, too. I feel like I'm actually able to see my child for who he is now, and he is able to better verbalize what is going on. “
Through CPRT parents/caregivers and children are brought back to the simplicity of finding joy and love within each other while also learning skills that support both parties. The once difficult power struggles are instead met with understanding and response, and hours of dysregulation are exchanged for co-regulation and understanding. The skills one learns through CPRT then go beyond weekly special playtimes and become a way of being that helps parents/caregivers navigate the everyday struggles of bedtime, transitions, and challenging behavior.
If you feel that CPRT would be a good fit for you and your family, you can learn more here or reach out to Sheila or Dakota directly.
References:
Provide Emotional Support to Play Therapy Clients Via Telehealth with Parent Sue C. Bratton and Garry L. Landreth
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2020). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model, 2nd ed. New York, NY: Routledge.
Bratton, S.C., & Landreth, G.L. (2020). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT) Treatment Manual: An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Mode, 2nd ed. New York, NY: Routledge.
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WRITTEN BY DAKOTA BECKER, LPC, RPT™, NCC, IPT-CST (SHE/HER/HERS)
Dakota is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Registered Play Therapist™ (RPT™), National Certified Counselor (NCC) and Institute of Play Therapy Certified Sandtray Therapist (IPT-CST). She received her Master’s Degree in Counseling from the University of North Texas through their nationally known play therapy program as well as has her Bachelor’s Degree in Child Development.
WRITTEN BY SHEILA WESSELS, MED, LPC-S, RPT-S™ (SHE/HER/HERS)
Sheila Wessels is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor (LPC-S) and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor™ (RPT-S™). She received her Master’s Degree in Professional Counseling from Texas State University (CACREP Accredited Program) as well as her Bachelor’s Degree in Education. She has had many years of experience with children of all ages and backgrounds. Prior to becoming a therapist, Sheila worked for 15 years in public education, 12 years as a Professional School Counselor and 3 years as an Elementary School Teacher.